United States • 22 y/o • FemaleReviews Given
Already addicted to this series. Foreshadowing at the max right now. How come you chose a violin?
You're good at describing surroundings and actions and getting across emotions. I enjoyed this short story, it covered kind of a lot of area in a small amount of words. I like how unspecific you were because it led to draw conclusions that could fluctuate between the readers and tie more into the readers' emotions. Great topic to write on and good job of showing contrast of love and despair. Short and strong yet somehow sweet
I'd say to continue, for some reason it's catching my attention. The grammar usage was off at times and the techniques can be dull but it's an intriguing story for me, I'd want to know what happens.
The idea wasn't necessarily bad, but I feel as though there wasn't enough development to really connect with the characters, and with a story like this, it's all about the feeling. I like this line: "I had to lock myself up in a world of sorrow and misery before I could return to my normal life", and I like the line that followed that showed the contrast between the innocent life and the misery. However, if it showed more contrast and was further developed, it would be better;
I liked the point of the poem and how you developed it. I feel like if you were to use more meaningful words, you'd get across the emotion that comes along with this subject, and it'd really connect more.
I liked how repetitive the word addiction was because it shows how when you're an addict, it's all you can think of. It was well set up as the short voice an addict has. However, I feel as though you could've done better with the additives in between, possibly by making them more controversial and really showing the battle that addict fight. But I really like the last line.
You have a lot of potential and I like stories that are based off of a true event, even if some of the facts could be argued. The ideas within the story were good. There were some grammatical errors. I feel like you could add more emotion through the use of your structure and diction that would leave a more intense lasting impression. Your beginning and ending were good- maybe try using different writing techniques and details throughout the whole story that would really make it great. Overall, good story.
There were definitely some grammatical errors and spelling, as well as punctuation, but that can be fixed with some adjustments. I can tell this kind of fantasy story is something you like to indulge yourself in and somehow relate to, so that intrigues me a lot. It does seem a bit predictable but I also haven't read the next part yet, so maybe I'll be wrong :) overall, the story line is something of a typical teenage broken outcast surrounded by beautiful people- it may do some good to point out imperfections in the characters and talk about those things to add some more dynamic to the story. I am, however, enticed to read part two!