I'd say to continue, for some reason it's catching my attention. The grammar usage was off at times and the techniques can be dull but it's an intriguing story for me, I'd want to know what happens.
The idea wasn't necessarily bad, but I feel as though there wasn't enough development to really connect with the characters, and with a story like this, it's all about the feeling. I like this line: "I had to lock myself up in a world of sorrow and misery before I could return to my normal life", and I like the line that followed that showed the contrast between the innocent life and the misery. However, if it showed more contrast and was further developed, it would be better;
I liked the point of the poem and how you developed it. I feel like if you were to use more meaningful words, you'd get across the emotion that comes along with this subject, and it'd really connect more.
I liked how repetitive the word addiction was because it shows how when you're an addict, it's all you can think of. It was well set up as the short voice an addict has. However, I feel as though you could've done better with the additives in between, possibly by making them more controversial and really showing the battle that addict fight. But I really like the last line.
You have a lot of potential and I like stories that are based off of a true event, even if some of the facts could be argued. The ideas within the story were good. There were some grammatical errors. I feel like you could add more emotion through the use of your structure and diction that would leave a more intense lasting impression. Your beginning and ending were good- maybe try using different writing techniques and details throughout the whole story that would really make it great. Overall, good story.
There were definitely some grammatical errors and spelling, as well as punctuation, but that can be fixed with some adjustments. I can tell this kind of fantasy story is something you like to indulge yourself in and somehow relate to, so that intrigues me a lot. It does seem a bit predictable but I also haven't read the next part yet, so maybe I'll be wrong :) overall, the story line is something of a typical teenage broken outcast surrounded by beautiful people- it may do some good to point out imperfections in the characters and talk about those things to add some more dynamic to the story. I am, however, enticed to read part two!
And it is just as I had expected after part one! Again, many spelling and grammatical errors that almost distract the reader from the juice of the story. The character development of the main character is good.
I agree that it's not necessarily a story, but rather something you felt you had to say, and to me, that's what writing is all about. You did a decent job at describing the feeling of anxiety. There were some conventional errors and I still feel it could have been better (as in using stronger words than "and it sucks") , but overall, it was decent. I appreciated how you mentioned that anxiety never leaves you. Thanks for sharing what you felt you had to say.