lavorish

woah it was a live stream this whole time

epiko

Aha its quite short but it rhymes and sounds good

It'd be nice if you could make separate paragraphs for each time frame like one for 7am and what he did and so on. I don't know if there's a second part or not but there's no antagonist so the story isn't really building up to anything and if there's no antagonist then you can't build up suspense either in the beginning to hook readers to read. I don't wanna leave a bad stain on this so I'll give you a four out of five since it's pretty long and has potential.

Oh my, the suspense build up was amazing and I was quite shocked by the ending haha.

Would've been nice if you expanded more on what a "Guardian" was and the ending would've been a bit better if you also explained why the company spreading through out the whole country was such a bad thing that happened. The theme is suppose to be sad and serious so for that scene that included the woman being apprehended you could've added some extensions like the woman was trying to protect her child or something and a scene of the woman and the main character having some interaction and the woman helps him out which would've made some connections between them so that it further explains why the main character felt bad for the woman and rushed in to help, like that woman was the only person that has truly treated him like a human and not a worker, and that the rest of his family neglected him or something.

Nice word count bro

Overall pretty good
For the last line, it felt a bit too long so it felt out of theme, maybe you could make it shorter.