Reviews Received
I'll be honest, this is hard to read because of the formatting. A few more paragraphs would be super helpful. The story itself feels very playful, and I look forward to more of it.
Okay, first I wanna say, thank you for walking inside my mind for a full 204 words of this writing.
Next, I believe you mean "Figment" of my imagination, not "fragment".
Third, if a bear walks into the woods and eats berries, do the two words "bear" and "berries" become one word called "bearries"?
Lastly, let's keep our unique minds just between us if that's cool with you.
I think if I was in her situation, I would be less of the "nobody likes me" and more of "you don't even know me."
But I don't know this character very well yet, and we aren't in her head, so there's some ammount of mystery in regards to what she actually feels.
I'm going to read the next part now.
My only advice for you is to make a new paragraph when someone is speaking. it makes it clearer and easier to read. For example: "Hi," said bob. "Hello, bob," Joe said.
Instead, it would be:
"Hi," said bob.
"Hello, bob," Joe said.
I hope this is useful, it's always easier for me to read a story when someone does this.
no. no no no. you can not just end it there! the ending was so short! maybe write another version of the story that is not just a text but more of a narrative? but dont leave it like this!