United Kingdom • 46 y/o • MaleReviews Given
I wish you had unpacked this prose poem more. Describe the emotions of being lost in these woods. Juxtapose it with the guy's life outside.
Be bold.
And be mindful of your spelling and grammar.
A pretty interesting prose poem, even though it's been done to death a thousand times before. Be mindful of the difference between "then" and "than".
While the subject matter is important, MaKaylee, this is not a story.
There are other platforms more suited for your writing if you want to post excerpts and vignettes. Disregarding the posting Guidelines is bad form.
I would prefer if you actually wrote a finished story instead of posting these excerpts and vignettes. Your first paragraph is an excellent hook, but the rest is just repetition of the same idea without anything really happening.
Nice little piece only spoilt by a scattered number of typos and grammatical errors.
You've got two poignant, but very loose, ideas that I can't see the logical connection between.
It's another vignette rather than an attempt at a real story. I would like you to think about writing a full story instead, using the basic elements of storytelling (motivation, obstacles, protagonist, antagonist, conflict) instead of just cobbling together random ideas that don't amount to anything much. This is good for your own records and practice, but not for others to read.
Funny vignette. The trick to writing excellent flash fiction is to cut out all the pleasantries when characters talk. So the "Hello, how are you?" dialogue has to go every time. Also, make sure you don't start with a dialogue without letting the reader know who's talking.
Keep it up!
I like how you formatted the poem, but the words didn't invoke anything for me. I didn't feel anything. Take this line for example:
"I burn like ashes"
What does that even mean? Do ashes burn?
A line like "I often think of death" could be made much more visceral, making the reader feel something rather than just read a simple statement.