United Kingdom • 46 y/o • MaleReviews Given
This is unreadable, mate. Please revise your work before submitting it for people to read. You only come off as lazy and disrespectful when you post it this way.
Sorry, this is absolutely unreadable.
Not friends with Robert Rankin, are you? :)
Hi Fate,
I appreciate the honest emotions you've put into the story so far.
However, it's considered cliché (and it's just bad writing) to include a character waking up and go through the morning chores i.e showering. Try and go into the actual story as quickly as you can and let those boring parts be left out. You've got a good feeling for writing. Keep it up!
Why are you posting this when it's not the full thing? It's not a story now.
Also, watch the tense shifts and punctuation.
I'm always amazed when a full story can be told within 1000 words. This is a real nugget of a story. Well done!
You've got a decent structure and an interesting subject matter here. What lets you down are unnecessary typos and grammar mistakes.
This is more of a vignette than story, however. I do suggest you read up on the difference, because a lot of writers receive rejection letters because they don't understand this.
I like how you start the piece, but your grammar and typos let your writing down unfortunately. It doesn't require much effort to run it through a spellcheck once. This is also not a full story but a vignette.
Keep writing!