lemonslice

Impressive to get this much told in so few words. However, it's in desperate need of revision because it's difficult to read. Lots of grammar and spelling mistakes, unfortunately.

You don't have a story here yet, Matthew. It's mainly a collection of scattered ideas, loosely strung together with poor grammar. I'd recommend you took a more sensible approach to your writing if you want to find an audience for it.

Sorry, this makes no sense to me. You need to use proper punctuation and grammar if you want to be a writer.

Your story is let down by poor grammar.

You've obviously decided to ignore the submission guidelines. Bad form.

Not sure what you're trying to say with this piece. It's too short and disjointed at the moment.

Sorry, Matthew, but this is dire. You need to adhere to common grammar and punctuation rules if you want people to take your writing seriously.

This isn't a story though.