lemonslice

I think you have good bones for a plot here, but you're rushing it too much. I think you're skipping through vital parts of the narrative and the 1st person POV doesn't work here at all for me. As a result, the ending becomes a tired fizzle when it should sparkle.

Also make sure that you understand how proper dialogue punctuation works. It makes your writing look unpolished and lazy when it's consistently incorrect. Keep writing!

This is very sad, but it's not a full story yet. Your writing feels rushed and is incorrectly formatted too.

Interesting vignette but there are quite a few errors here, especially in terms of dialogue punctuation and grammar. I also wonder what the point of this vignette is. What are you trying to say with it? You're dedicating two paragraphs to your narrator seeing strange lights, which obviously makes the reader curious. And then you just end the whole thing saying that no one ever found out what it was. I feel cheated.

This isn't a story, first of all, it's an attempt at a poem.

The problem I have is that it doesn't invoke any imagery or emotions for me. They're just statements that might mean something to you.

You've got two poignant, but very loose, ideas that I can't see the logical connection between.

It's another vignette rather than an attempt at a real story. I would like you to think about writing a full story instead, using the basic elements of storytelling (motivation, obstacles, protagonist, antagonist, conflict) instead of just cobbling together random ideas that don't amount to anything much. This is good for your own records and practice, but not for others to read.

I would prefer if you actually wrote a finished story instead of posting these excerpts and vignettes. Your first paragraph is an excellent hook, but the rest is just repetition of the same idea without anything really happening.

Sounds like a summary of a much longer story rather than a flash story standing on its own two legs.

First of all, this isn't flash fiction.

Second, I didn't get the ending. In fact, I didn't get what was going on most of the time.