Angola • 14 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
You are missing a lot of puncation and grammar. You may want to go through it. Other than that I think it is an amazing story. Can't wait to read more!
There is a lot of potential here! A handful of your grammatical errors are quite easy to fix, and that will entice readers to stay longer to read a bit more. If you want some advice or want to ask me to shut up, feel free to message me.
Your story was kind of hard to follow. But from the parts that I could understand I think it's coming along.
Though if you could add names for the characters and patch up a few errors I think that it could be spot on. Good job! ^^
kinda hard to follow through but otherwise great