United Kingdom • 64 y/o • MaleReviews Given
Again, as with your other work. you ignore the basic rules of writing, which spoils everything you do. This could have been so much better had you taken the time to work on it properly and correcting all of the many errors that are strewn throughout the piece.
Even though you failed spectacularly at my challenge, the end result was worth it :-) This story pays its dues to the detective novels of the nineteen-thirties and forties in its style and language. A clever and inventive use of fairy-tale characters in a noir-type setting, which is slightly reminiscent of the movie 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?'
Excellent work, Brian. I look forward to the next instalment...
An interesting idea that was, unfortunately, poorly executed. Trying to tell such a 'big' story in so few words was always going to be a big ask. You would have been better served, perhaps, by working your story into several chapters or parts, which would have allowed you to expand on your ideas in greater detail.
This is an interesting idea for a story. There are faults with it (punctuation, spelling, etc.) that with some careful editing can be corrected to make this into the fabulous story it deserves to be.
A good fun read. Thank you!
Sums up what it means to be a teenager in a few words. Clever and creative. I hope we see more of your work soon.
A very dour and downbeat offering. Many will relate I'm sure...
An interesting story idea. The first part of the story goes on a little too long to maintain reader interest... Personally, I am not sure that I would have put it at the beginning. Looking at the rest of the story I would have started it with the first three paragraphs after the dialogue opening, then inserted then exchange between Tom and his wife. Just an opinion, of course.
Take care with your grammar and punctuation: there are several instances of the incorrect word being used ('spend' for 'spent', for instance).
I hope we'll see more from you soon :-)