Durandal

Good job!

My only advice for you is to make a new paragraph when someone is speaking. it makes it clearer and easier to read. For example: "Hi," said bob. "Hello, bob," Joe said.
Instead, it would be:
"Hi," said bob.
"Hello, bob," Joe said.

I hope this is useful, it's always easier for me to read a story when someone does this.

Haha, I am a ninja.

It's a nice sequel. But there was one problem that bugged me a lot. I have told this to lots of people, and I hope it's good advice for you.
When writing your story, you should paragraph when people talk. For example:
Instead of:
"Hi Bob!" said Joe. "Hello, Joe," Bob said.
It would be:
"Hi Bob!" said Joe.
"Hello, Joe," Bob said.
This makes it a lot clearer on who is speaking, and easier to read.

I liked that, it definitely shows what it was like.

That's dark, but it's a true representation of some people's lives. Good job!

ruling a kingdom by fear is never a good idea, good job.

I can't wait till the next part. Good job!