Aaron Sebastians

For your comment at the end, pessimism shouldn't have to be 'forgiven' like it's a sin because it tells a truth of reality.
This is Ivan Drago hard hitting (sorry for the Rocky reference lol).

This is neat.
You created the characters and their relationships right away giving a detailed description of how they are and act leaving little to no blank space.

Dude. Aaron. Hermano.
You got me with this one.

The words and how it flows, the structure of the sentences, like dang son. You got words, style and rhythm that can grab anyone's attention.

I also like the whole idea of how you made a piece of string more than a piece of string as it can be transformed into something beautiful.

P.S: You could totally rap this poem.

How you kept adding onto it was amazing. It started from more of the simple stuff and added to deeper and more personal levels.
Nicely done.

Music. The one thing that soothes and destroys a soul that is a piece of art.
Finely done.

It's just the innocence of time.

Love that you brought the ocean aspect and life into one writing. Life is just as vast as the ocean with the known and unknown.

You've made this story into like a heat-of-the-moment emotion inside the mind of the man and didn't give much detail as how it was moving so fast and it makes sense as for how the man is acting.
Love your works.