United Kingdom • 61 y/oReviews Given
I'd have put 'barked viciously' rather than 'viciously barked.' The relationship between husband and wife is plausible and the twist is good.
Not many people have always had a perfect life. What we see on TV and social media is often highly selective, leaving the bad bits out. There's no one mould that everyone has to fit. Barring an unforseen calamity, you should have plenty of time to shape and enjoy the next stages of your life. We can't change the past but we can learn from it.
I hope this helps.
Please take this as constructive criticism, as this is good for such a young writer.
Why does he ask "did someone live here twenty years ago?" He would more likely say "who lived here before us?" He must know they didn't build the house themselves, and if not then obviously someone lived there before them. The question is who were they? Mum could say in reply exactly when the last occupants left.
There are a few spelling mistakes here, for instance 'fir' should be 'fur'. Fir is a coniferous tree. Having said that, it was a nice twist at the end. There's certainly some truth in the idea that he stood a better chance befriending the cat than chasing it.
Try writing 'dad was upstairs working on his computer' rather than 'the computer.' If Mom is in the kitchen working on a computer its a different one than Dad is using.
You portray a child's emotions plausibly, and I like the detail about the spiders webs moving. Perhaps you could've had them find out later if someone died prematurely in the house, or if a previous occupant had a scary experience there.
You're drawing readers in by describing their sadness but not yet explaining the reason for it. With 'Anyway Back' there should be a lower case 'b' in 'back,' but more practice should fix issues like that.
If we all got upset every time something bad happened in the world, we would loose our sanity. You're not a bad person if you can't tackle every issue. Dealing with the present lockdown is a new experience even for adults. Is it any wonder a lot of people find it hard to handle. Don't break the law, this lockdown won't last forever, it can't or economies all over the world will crumble. Surely no government run by sentinent adults will allow that.
I hope things improve for you soon.
You could've made more of your narrator's reaction to the death of his uncle. Did he change his attitude to the beach due to that? If so, did he draw on memories of better times and so begin to enjoy it again? Perhaps he realised that nowhere is ever entirely safe and if the sea hadn't taken his uncle then something else might have.