Australia • 28 y/oReviews Received
I like how you come straight into the story and use short sentences to ramp up the tension. Some parts could be cut though, no need to state that the protagonist didn't take a shower. Also, make sure you stay in the same tense throughout the story; you have a tendency of switching between past and present tense.
Good luck with your writing!
A++++
Absolutely brilliant, breathtakingly powerful, the last line just catches you and is a great way to end a great story.
I've always loved this story, it was one of the first I saw on this site and it's always been my favorite. Thank you for sharing your talent and your thoughts. Don't stop writing,.
This is so good! I know this was written a long time ago and the author probably won't even see this, but it is AWESOME. Believe me, I've tried writing poems that rhymed, and it's hard.
But this person made it look easy!
Anyways, one of the best poems I've read so far.
I have goosebumps. This was hella GOOD.
I have no worlds it's wonderful, even though you might not see I
This is wonderful! I love it!