United Kingdom • 26 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
This poem was very honest. The ending could be finished, it depends on how you look at it, either as an open ending leaving the reader to finish and fill in the blanks, or an unfinished ending. Very true poem though.
you should keep on going
Great Story! But some grammar mistakes like, you wrote hat instead of that... and some other mistakes. Not major but just wanted to point it out before someone gives a bad review!
I would love it if you continued this series. The entries aren't quite as long as what would be most suitable but they're fine considering they're the very first few. I like how this story is going along and I'd like to see more.
Interesting concept, however it seems a little rough which dispels the tension that builds up throughout the story. Now I am horrible with grammar so I wont focus on that. I will suggest that the second part where the boy realizes he had been tricked describe that betrayal, show his fear. That adds to the tension as opposed the just telling the reader as the events happen. And the last sentence, I know breaking up the sentence was to be a killer ending but it also made it seem blocky and killed it in my own opinion.
This is one of those apparently simple ideas that turn out to be a tad more complicated to write than it first appeared. I liked the idea behind the story, but the execution was not perhaps as good as it might have been. Still, on the whole, not the worst thing you have ever submitted, so that a plus :-)
The box part was a little confusing. Some more explanation would be nice, but overall a well written story :)
The review by Andy is harsh. There's no need to be that hostile when you review somebody's work. He's old enough to know better. You've taken the trouble to put your thoughts and feelings down in writing and that should be respected.
We should keep in mind the age of a writer when we review. An 18 year-old is pretty young (though might not feel it!) and will still be developing a literary style. They shouldn't be judged by standards that apply to mature writers.
In terms of the poem's length: shorter is better. It makes the sentiments more intense. I wonder if you read much poetry? Read some good poetry, and see how the language is compressed, how strong images are used.
Enjoy your writing!