United Kingdom • 26 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
Your prose is quite good, Kaleigh, but you don't have a story here. This is a scene from, I presume, a much larger work or a simple vignette.
Okay, I WANT to like your work. My problem is that I get a feeling of 'incompleteness' from some of your stuff, which frustrates me. This offering is a case in point. It doesn't really say anything (to me, anyway) nor does it go anywhere meaningful.
I would like to see more depth to your writing; more purpose, if you will. At the moment I feel that there is a poet trying to burst out, but has not quite found the right path just yet. Keep plugging-away at it, though :-))
This piece has some minor mistakes and it seems a little force out but it is still good. One advice is try not to use the same word too much. Like "girl" was used. You want to avoid that. Still this was an interesting beginning and I look forward to read what else you got.
Have a good afternoon
Fate🌸
I suggest you try to explore the character more deeply. Sometimes among all the chaos, you might produce a spectacular story line.
I would love it if you continued this series. The entries aren't quite as long as what would be most suitable but they're fine considering they're the very first few. I like how this story is going along and I'd like to see more.
i loved it but it did feel a little rushed but all and all i enjoyed it :-)
