United Kingdom • 26 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
you should keep on going
I would love it if you continued this series. The entries aren't quite as long as what would be most suitable but they're fine considering they're the very first few. I like how this story is going along and I'd like to see more.
It's not a bad start, Kaleigh, although it's not a full story arc yet, or did the protagonist actually die at the end? In that case, how is she able to tell us the story?
One thing to be wary of is giving a laundry list of descriptions. It slows down the pace and actually removes tension from the narrative. Be mindful of tense changes, they make or break a story.
Keep on writing!
This poem was very honest. The ending could be finished, it depends on how you look at it, either as an open ending leaving the reader to finish and fill in the blanks, or an unfinished ending. Very true poem though.
I tend to like short and brisk stories such as this one, they tell you a lot without saying much.
Whilst it seems fairly easy to write rhyming couplets there is an art to doing it in such a way as to make the lines flow naturally so that they 'trip off the tongue' when you read them. Some of your couplets are a little forced (a fault I also suffer from!) which interrupts the flow of your poem.
However, in saying that, there is enough content to provoke thought, which is no bad thing. Well done!
THIS is my kind of writing!
I love the way you get straight into the heart of the story, your characters coming to life through their words and actions. It's not over-embellished or described or padded-out with superfluous prose.
In my opinion, your story ends just where it needs to end: without a resolution or any answers. You leave those questions for your reader to figure out. THAT is good story-telling.
Without doubt, your best piece so far. Congratulations.
Again, your choice to ignore another of the submission guidelines (that of using slang and colloquialisms) in your work rankles. You are better than some of the work you submit. Using cheap 'kop-outs' (such as 'kiester') demeans you and your work.
You say feel you are "getting the hang of poetry"? One golden rule to observe when writing rhymes, especially, is if you've got to FORCE the rhyme then it's not worth the bother. The rhymes should feel natural and smooth.
This is not your finest hour as you've produced much better work than this poem. However, as a learning experience, it's all valuable knowledge.