lemonslice

Is there a particular reason why this is written in bold? Numerous punctuation and spelling errors make the text hard to read. I also suggest you use paragraphs where necessary.

I like how you come straight into the story and use short sentences to ramp up the tension. Some parts could be cut though, no need to state that the protagonist didn't take a shower. Also, make sure you stay in the same tense throughout the story; you have a tendency of switching between past and present tense.

Good luck with your writing!

First of all, this isn't flash fiction.

Second, I didn't get the ending. In fact, I didn't get what was going on most of the time.

Sounds like a summary of a much longer story rather than a flash story standing on its own two legs.

This isn't a story, first of all, it's an attempt at a poem.

The problem I have is that it doesn't invoke any imagery or emotions for me. They're just statements that might mean something to you.

Interesting vignette but there are quite a few errors here, especially in terms of dialogue punctuation and grammar. I also wonder what the point of this vignette is. What are you trying to say with it? You're dedicating two paragraphs to your narrator seeing strange lights, which obviously makes the reader curious. And then you just end the whole thing saying that no one ever found out what it was. I feel cheated.

Hi Daniel,

This is closer to a vignette than a story. I like that you've tried writing in the 1st person POV because that's very difficult. The one thing to remember about that, and this is something you will hear a thousand times more, is to go deeper into the character.

Don't use the filter words "I felt, I saw" etc because they put a filter between your character and the narrative (your reader). Just say what happens because we ARE the character.

Make sure you take a look at correct dialogue punctuation. That will benefit you on your long writing journey. Good luck!

Reads like it happened in real life. I liked that. You have some typos and other errors throughout that I would recommend that you polish and revise. Good luck on your writing!