Lyn

First of all, that painter needs therapy.
Second, when writing dialogue, create a new paragraph for each new person speaking.
and lastly, try not to switch point-of-view in the middle of the story. It gets confusing for the reader.

I'm so sorry you felt this way! I'm glad to hear you're doing better though. I have to admit, I sort of suspected it. I have friends that deal with depression and I know how badly it can affect them. Stay strong! Even if covid never ends, we can still stick together. We're going out in public more and it's becoming less of an issue, sort of like the flu. It can be scary, but just know that we are all here for you. Keep writing, you have so much creative energy!

aw, man, i cant do sexual things- let me know when it gets back to normal so I can hop back in tho! For your typos, I suggest Grammarly. It can be wrong sometimes, so u have to keep an eye on it, but most of the time it's really helpful! I don't think Valentine is the right Match for Theodosia. He seems unable to understand the fact that a woman is more than an object, as he said, "Are you going to take advantage of me?" It sounds to me like he just wants to, uh, take advantage of her. I don't really like him. I'm also mad at Dorian now though, for leaving his sister alone for so many years. I hope their relationship can mend. And in the meantime, maybe he can save Theodosia from Valentine's greedy personality.

GOOD LUCK!!!

There is a lot of potential here! A handful of your grammatical errors are quite easy to fix, and that will entice readers to stay longer to read a bit more. If you want some advice or want to ask me to shut up, feel free to message me.

I'm not good at poetry and I haven't seen much about Dream SMP, but I think you did pretty good. Also, try using shift+enter when creating a stanza, then just use enter for a new stanza.

Please, dont give up! I enjoy reading and watching your progress and I would absolutely hate myself if one day you were just gone. Please, I'm begging you. I know you can get through this. You just have to stay strong. If you wont do it for yourself, do it for me. Please...

You did great! I enjoyed reading it! Just a few grammatical mistakes, but that's alright. As you said, it's your first time. Great job! You abused the caps a little bit, but that's a minor mistake. I loved the positivity! Keep writing, you're going places! <3