Lyn

Wow, how intense-
I didn't think it would escalate that quickly!
Maybe separate the paragraphs a bit more. It's harder to read the first few paragraphs because of how mixed up they are. Other than that, you did really well!

Lost_Star's right! There are plenty of other guys out there who would die to love you the way that boy never could. Keep searching, you'll find them eventually! Great writing, by the way, I could really feel your emotion.

First of all, that painter needs therapy.
Second, when writing dialogue, create a new paragraph for each new person speaking.
and lastly, try not to switch point-of-view in the middle of the story. It gets confusing for the reader.

I'm so sorry you felt this way! I'm glad to hear you're doing better though. I have to admit, I sort of suspected it. I have friends that deal with depression and I know how badly it can affect them. Stay strong! Even if covid never ends, we can still stick together. We're going out in public more and it's becoming less of an issue, sort of like the flu. It can be scary, but just know that we are all here for you. Keep writing, you have so much creative energy!

aw, man, i cant do sexual things- let me know when it gets back to normal so I can hop back in tho! For your typos, I suggest Grammarly. It can be wrong sometimes, so u have to keep an eye on it, but most of the time it's really helpful! I don't think Valentine is the right Match for Theodosia. He seems unable to understand the fact that a woman is more than an object, as he said, "Are you going to take advantage of me?" It sounds to me like he just wants to, uh, take advantage of her. I don't really like him. I'm also mad at Dorian now though, for leaving his sister alone for so many years. I hope their relationship can mend. And in the meantime, maybe he can save Theodosia from Valentine's greedy personality.

GOOD LUCK!!!

There is a lot of potential here! A handful of your grammatical errors are quite easy to fix, and that will entice readers to stay longer to read a bit more. If you want some advice or want to ask me to shut up, feel free to message me.

I'm not good at poetry and I haven't seen much about Dream SMP, but I think you did pretty good. Also, try using shift+enter when creating a stanza, then just use enter for a new stanza.