United Kingdom • 60 y/oReviews Given
Well done for a thoughtful, hopeful piece of writing. During lockdown a lot of people have been forced to look again at nature on their doorsteps. I think they will relate to this.
The opening is good, it draws the reader in. The basic premise is promising.
You made a few mistakes with punctuation, there should be more commas and capital letters in some places. 'Its all right Emma, I'll come and get you' is one example; comma after Emma. One or two names start with lower case letters. Deal with that and this will be better still.
You caught the voice of a grumpy old lady very well. I disagree with her sentiments, but there are people like that. I know you mean to be funny but good comedy is usually based on fact.
I like the metephores of the heron and the airport terminal.
Not 'too' far away rather than 'not to far away.'
'Blood was seeping into the snow' rather than 'blood was fading into the snow.' It would trickle down rather than turn pale.
Had you described the man flailing trying to retrieve his lost knife before striking back, then the action would've flowed better. You're descriptions of the fight are tense and fast moving, but bear in mind what I've written and you're writing will improve.
An intriguing, passionate start. Time will show how it develops, but the first two instalments should draw people in.
You do a good job of evoking the forest and the cycle of decay and renewal.
I can sympathise. Its especially hard in a lockdown as there's no work/school/university to take our minds off things.
There are so many issues in the news its impossible for one person to tackle them all. If you can't fix everything don't be hard on yourself.