IanG

'Thoughts of her would keep me up through the night' reads better than 'her thoughts would...etc.'

Nevertheless its a sharp and disturbing twist in the final lines. You handled that well. You do right in bringing smell as well as sight into your descriptions. Keep writing.

Your protagonist isn't the first person to want to save or reform someone they love. Its a common theme in stories and it can happen in real life. The would be saviour doesn't always succeed but it shows a good heart if they're trying. They need to be careful not to get dragged down by whoever they want to save, but its an interesting subject for a story,

I can sympathise. Its especially hard in a lockdown as there's no work/school/university to take our minds off things.

There are so many issues in the news its impossible for one person to tackle them all. If you can't fix everything don't be hard on yourself.

An intriguing, passionate start. Time will show how it develops, but the first two instalments should draw people in.

Well said, and good to see it coming from a teenager.

You caught the voice of a grumpy old lady very well. I disagree with her sentiments, but there are people like that. I know you mean to be funny but good comedy is usually based on fact.

Well done for a thoughtful, hopeful piece of writing. During lockdown a lot of people have been forced to look again at nature on their doorsteps. I think they will relate to this.

In paragraph seven, would it be better if the girl was hugging her doll for comfort rather than playing with it? That seems more plausible given that she's just suffered a terrible loss. A poor family might well have to keep working through the shock but they'd be feeling upset, just having to carry on in spite of that. Keep practising and you'll master that.