IanG

An intriguing, passionate start. Time will show how it develops, but the first two instalments should draw people in.

Well said, and good to see it coming from a teenager.

You caught the voice of a grumpy old lady very well. I disagree with her sentiments, but there are people like that. I know you mean to be funny but good comedy is usually based on fact.

Well done for a thoughtful, hopeful piece of writing. During lockdown a lot of people have been forced to look again at nature on their doorsteps. I think they will relate to this.

In paragraph seven, would it be better if the girl was hugging her doll for comfort rather than playing with it? That seems more plausible given that she's just suffered a terrible loss. A poor family might well have to keep working through the shock but they'd be feeling upset, just having to carry on in spite of that. Keep practising and you'll master that.

You're building suspense well, and I like the detail about her makeup running. There are a few spelling mistakes, 'her' when I think you meant 'here', but keep practising and you'll get better.

I'm glad they took in the cat, they did right there.

There is more awareness now than there used to be of adolescent mental health issues. Perhaps that will result in young people getting more support. Hold onto that hope.