IanG

'They thought it couldn't get any worse but it did" reads bettet than 'it couldn't get any worse but it did.'

Ahmed could ask who took his blanket. He need not be annoyed but only curious. If someone else was cold in the night it would be natural to ask who that was, if not in anger then with concern.

If he confronts an obstical or two when fleeing the ghost it raises the tension. If his horse stumbles or slips that would add to the excitement. You could have them recover quickly and race on. If he panics and so gets lost while escaping, again there's more tension. His friends could come and find him.

Keep practising at your writing.

Could you say the previous killings happened in a different town but the same county? That way its more plausible that Victoria would go jogging alone. Also, if you add that her cat came from a rescue centre that indicates that she's kind and so gives us a reason to root for her. It makes her a little more active.

I wrote a story on a similar theme and put it on this site. Its on page 9 now. Perhaps reading someone else's take on it would help.

You have an interesting premise, but need a longer piece to develop it further. If Rose is in love with Billy she should make more effort to get him back. Does she go to his house only to find he's moved and didn't tell her? Does Billy have a relative or a friend who thinks less well of her and obstructs her? Later on, does Billy's wife or child take against Rose? That would make for a more spirited character and more emotional complexity.

You could have described a fight between man and wolf, that or him chasing her or both. Its hard to imagine a wolf going down without attempting to resist.

You keep saying the same thing several times, not least how hortrible the monster is. You can say it only a few times and we get the message. When severed heads arrive in a box we can see this thing is violent. You tell us our hero was born to a peasant, then he wasn't nobly born. Its clear he's not if his parents were peasants.

The plot will appeal to lovers of fantasy, just try to avoid over writing

You start well, evoking sound as well as sight. Let me make a suggestion about the ending.

If they nearly get trapped in the house but break out with difficulty it adds to the tension, If the door was jammed and couldn't be opened but they broke through with an effort or scrambled out through a window, that would add excitement. You say 'receding into the forest.' If someone else is watching you leave you're receding from their point of view. From your own point of view you're pushing through the forest.

I hope this helps and you continue writing. You'll improve with practice and advice.

There are a few spelling mistakes here, for instance 'fir' should be 'fur'. Fir is a coniferous tree. Having said that, it was a nice twist at the end. There's certainly some truth in the idea that he stood a better chance befriending the cat than chasing it.